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As women, our strength is unmatched, but our peace and happiness are just as vital. Living by a set of strong standards allows us to honor ourselves while demanding the same from the world around us. These seven standards are non-negotiable for any woman who’s ready to level up and live life with intention, grace, and power.
There was a time in my early 20s when my standards were lower than my then my Gucci flats. I was in and out a relationships and experiencing a lot of pain and heartbreak because I didn’t know that I should have standards let alone boundaries.
Many women today are experiencing hardship in every area of life not because they’re not good woman, but simply because they have no standards or boundaries that guides their actions, motivations and desires. Once I learned the value lesson that you get what you expect, I started to expect more.
As we approach a new year and you realize that you did not like the experience that you had in 2024 it’s honestly time to level up your standards. So here are seven basic standards that every woman should have and if you apply these to your life, you will see a huge transformation.
So let's get into the 7 standards that every woman should have, starting with number one: Self Respect
1. Self-Respect
Self-respect is the foundation of everything. If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. It’s about honoring your mind, body, and spirit—and refusing to compromise your dignity.
As the great Maya Angelou said, “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”
Self-respect is the cornerstone of a fulfilled and meaningful life. For women, particularly Black women, prioritizing self-respect is not just about how we treat ourselves but also about how we demand to be treated by others. It’s about standing firm in our worth, even in a world that often tries to diminish it.
What Is Self-Respect?
Self-respect is the deep belief that you are worthy of love, dignity, and kindness—first and foremost from yourself. It’s the ability to say, “I deserve better,” and to act accordingly. Self-respect shapes the choices you make, the relationships you nurture, and the way you navigate life.
Why Is Self-Respect Crucial?
Grab Your Feminine Merch From The B + D Shop! Support The Movement!1. It Sets the Standard for How Others Treat You
When you prioritize self-respect, you set the tone for how others interact with you. People mirror how you treat yourself, so when you hold yourself in high regard, others are more likely to follow suit.
2. It Protects Your Peace
Self-respect allows you to walk away from anything or anyone that disrupts your peace. It gives you the strength to say no to toxic relationships, disrespect, or situations that compromise your values.
3. It Builds Inner Confidence
When you respect yourself, you don’t need validation from others to feel worthy. Your confidence becomes rooted in your own sense of self, not in external approval.
4. It Promotes Authenticity
Self-respect means honoring who you truly are. You no longer feel the need to shrink yourself to fit into spaces that weren’t designed for you.
5. It Encourages Growth
When you respect yourself, you invest in your own growth. Whether it’s pursuing education, enhancing your skills, or nurturing your spirituality, self-respect drives you to reach your full potential.
How to Prioritize Self-Respect
1. Set Boundaries
Define what is acceptable in your life and stick to it. Saying no is not a rejection of others—it’s an affirmation of yourself.
2. Practice Self-Care
Take care of your mind, body, and soul. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
3. Surround Yourself with Positive People
The company you keep has a profound impact on how you see yourself. Choose people who uplift and inspire you.
4. Honor Your Commitments to Yourself
Follow through on your goals and promises. When you treat your time and aspirations with respect, others will too.
5. Speak Kindly to Yourself
Your inner dialogue matters. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations that remind you of your worth.
A Word for Black Women
As women, we often carry the weight of societal expectations, stereotypes, and microaggressions. But self-respect is about reclaiming your power in a world that often tries to strip it away.
Audre Lorde reminds us, “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”
Define yourself, sis. Stand tall in your worth and never let anyone make you feel small.
Take the Next Step
If you’re ready to level up and honor your worth, consider joining one of our coaching programs. Together, we’ll help you identify what’s holding you back, set powerful intentions, and create a life that reflects the queen you truly are.
Sis, self-respect isn’t just about knowing your worth—it’s about living it. The world will treat you how you treat yourself. So treat yourself like royalty.
Prioritize self-respect by investing in your appearance, your health, and your goals. Start with our Pretty Isn’t Enough: What Feminine Women Need to Know to Become the Total Package online class, where you’ll learn to embody confidence inside and out. Classes are every Monday at 3 PM Eastern standard time and here’s a link for you to register as well.
2. Clear Boundaries + Standards
Setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-respect, yet it’s something many women—especially Black women—struggle to do. We’re often taught to be strong for everyone else, to accommodate others even at our own expense. But the truth is, boundaries are essential for maintaining peace, protecting your energy, and living a life aligned with your values.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the limits you set to define what behavior is acceptable in your life. They’re not about controlling others—they’re about controlling how you respond and what you allow into your space.
Think of boundaries as a fence around your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. This fence doesn’t lock people out; it simply ensures that anyone entering does so with respect.
Why Are Clear Boundaries Crucial?
1. Protect Your Peace
When you set boundaries, you create space for peace and clarity. Without them, you risk overcommitting, feeling overwhelmed, and losing sight of your needs.
2. Promote Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. When you establish boundaries, you teach people how to treat you. If someone can’t respect your limits, they may not deserve access to your life.
3. Preserve Your Energy
Sis, your energy is precious. Constantly giving without receiving can leave you drained and resentful. Boundaries help you manage your energy wisely so you can show up fully where it matters most.
4. Encourage Self-Respect
Saying no when something doesn’t serve you is a powerful way to honor yourself. It reinforces your worth and reminds you (and others) that you matter.
Grab Your Feminine Merch From The B + D Shop! Support The Movement!Signs You Need Stronger Boundaries
• You often feel overwhelmed or exhausted.
• You say “yes” out of guilt or fear of disappointing others.
• You tolerate disrespect or overstep to avoid conflict.
• You feel resentment towards people who take advantage of your kindness.
How to Set Boundaries
1. Know Your Limits
Understand what makes you uncomfortable and where you need to draw the line.
2. Communicate Clearly
Be direct and respectful. For example, “I can’t take on extra work right now, but thank you for thinking of me.”
3. Be Consistent
Once you set a boundary, stick to it. Inconsistency can send mixed signals.
4. Let Go of Guilt
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you whole.
5. Get Support
If setting boundaries feels intimidating, lean on resources or coaching for guidance.
As women, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We’re daughters, mothers, partners, friends, and leaders—but we’re also human. Setting boundaries isn’t just about self-care; it’s about survival.
Audre Lorde said it best: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
If you’re ready to create the boundaries you need to thrive, I invite you to explore my Protect Your Peace class, available at Black and Dainty. It’s designed to help you master the art of boundary-setting so you can show up as your best self in every area of life.
You deserve a life filled with peace, respect, and joy. Set your boundaries, and don’t apologize for it.
3. Financial Independence
Sis, it’s 2024—financial independence isn’t optional; it’s essential. Building wealth, managing your money, and planning for your future are acts of self-preservation.
Financial independence is more than just having money in the bank—it’s about having freedom, security, and the ability to make decisions on your own terms. For women, especially Black women, achieving financial independence is a powerful act of self-determination and resilience.
What Is Financial Independence?
Financial independence means being in control of your finances. It’s about earning enough to support your needs, managing your money wisely, and building wealth for your future. It’s not just about survival—it’s about thriving.
Madam C.J. Walker, the first self-made Black woman millionaire, said, “I got my start by giving myself a start.” Her words remind us that financial independence is something we can claim for ourselves, regardless of our circumstances.
Why Is Financial Independence Essential for Women?
1. Freedom to Choose
When you’re financially independent, you have the freedom to make decisions that align with your values. Whether it’s leaving a toxic relationship, pursuing a passion, or traveling the world, your finances give you the power to choose your path.
2. Security and Stability
Life is unpredictable, and financial independence provides a safety net. Whether it’s an unexpected expense or a career transition, having your own money gives you the stability to weather life’s challenges.
3. Breaking Generational Cycles
For many Black women, financial independence is a way to break cycles of poverty and create opportunities for future generations. Building wealth isn’t just about you—it’s about leaving a legacy.
4. Empowerment and Confidence
There’s a unique confidence that comes from knowing you can take care of yourself. Financial independence allows you to walk through life with your head held high, knowing you don’t have to rely on anyone else for your basic needs.
5. Equal Partnerships
In relationships, financial independence fosters equality. It ensures you’re not in a position where you have to stay in a situation because of financial dependency.
Grab Your Feminine Merch From The B + D Shop! Support The Movement!Steps to Achieve Financial Independence
1. Educate Yourself
Learn the basics of budgeting, saving, investing, and credit management. Financial literacy is the foundation of independence.
2. Start Saving and Investing
Even if you start small, make it a habit to save and invest regularly. Your future self will thank you.
3. Create Multiple Income Streams
Explore side hustles, passive income opportunities, or starting your own business to diversify your earnings.
4. Eliminate Debt
Prioritize paying off high-interest debt to free yourself from financial burdens.
5. Plan for the Future
Set financial goals, whether it’s buying a home, building an emergency fund, or retiring early.
Historically, Black women have faced systemic barriers to financial equality. Despite these challenges, we’ve proven time and time again that we are resourceful, innovative, and resilient. Achieving financial independence is not just about personal success—it’s about reclaiming power in a world that often underestimates us.
As Beyoncé said, “I truly believe women should be financially independent from their men. And let’s face it, money gives men the power to run the show. It gives men the power to define value. They define what’s sexy. And men define what’s feminine. It’s ridiculous.”
Sis, you deserve more than just survival—you deserve freedom, power, and security. Start building your financial independence today.
4. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI) is one of the most powerful skills a woman can develop. It’s the ability to understand, manage, and express your emotions effectively while also empathizing with the emotions of others. For women, especially Black women navigating a complex world, emotional intelligence isn’t just helpful—it’s transformative.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence involves five key components:
1. Self-Awareness – Understanding your emotions and how they affect your thoughts and actions.
2. Self-Regulation – Managing your emotions in healthy ways and maintaining control under pressure.
3. Motivation – Using your emotions to fuel your goals and maintain focus.
4. Empathy – Understanding and sharing the feelings of others.
5. Social Skills – Navigating relationships with grace, communication, and collaboration.
Why Is Emotional Intelligence Necessary for Women?
Grab Your Feminine Merch From The B + D Shop! Support The Movement!1. It Enhances Communication
Strong communication is a cornerstone of effective relationships. Emotional intelligence helps you articulate your thoughts, manage conflict, and listen to others without reacting impulsively.
2. It Builds Resilience
Life throws curveballs, but emotional intelligence allows you to bounce back from challenges with grace. Understanding and managing your emotions helps you face adversity without becoming overwhelmed.
3. It Strengthens Relationships
Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or professional settings, emotional intelligence fosters deeper connections. It helps you recognize others’ needs and respond with compassion and understanding.
4. It Boosts Confidence
When you understand your emotions, you’re less likely to doubt yourself. Emotional intelligence gives you the clarity to make decisions based on your values and intuition.
5. It Empowers Leadership
Women with emotional intelligence excel as leaders because they can inspire, motivate, and connect with others. Whether you’re leading in your community, workplace, or family, EI is a game-changer.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters for Women
As women, we often carry the weight of societal expectations while striving to create space for our voices to be heard. Emotional intelligence equips us to navigate these challenges with strength and authenticity.
“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing,” said Audre Lorde. Emotional intelligence allows us to be deliberate in our actions, protecting our peace while standing in our truth.
How to Develop Emotional Intelligence
1. Practice Self-Awareness
Take time to reflect on your emotions and identify patterns. Journaling can help you understand triggers and learn how to respond rather than react.
2. Master Self-Regulation
When emotions run high, practice calming techniques like deep breathing or stepping away from the situation. Self-regulation is about pausing before responding.
3. Cultivate Empathy
Put yourself in others’ shoes. Listening actively and withholding judgment are key to understanding someone else’s perspective.
4. Strengthen Communication Skills
Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming others. For example, “I feel hurt when my efforts aren’t acknowledged.”
5. Invest in Personal Growth
Learning about emotional intelligence through books, workshops, or coaching can give you practical tools to apply in your daily life.
Build Emotional Intelligence with Black and Dainty
If you’re ready to harness the power of emotional intelligence, join us for the Know Your Worth online class.
This transformative experience will equip you with tools to master your emotions, improve your relationships, and show up as your best self every day.
A Personal Invitation
Emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. As your femininity coach, I can help you develop the emotional skills needed to thrive in every area of your life. Book a coaching session with me, and let’s create a plan to help you level up emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Emotional intelligence is your superpower. Use it to create a life of peace, purpose, and prosperity.
5. Commitment to Growth
Commitment to Personal Growth as a Woman
Personal growth is a lifelong journey of becoming the best version of yourself. For women, prioritizing self-improvement is an act of self-love and empowerment that affects every area of life. Whether it’s enhancing your skills, nurturing your spirit, or stepping into your purpose, a commitment to growth is essential for living a fulfilling life.
What Does Personal Growth Mean?
Personal growth is the intentional effort to improve yourself, both internally and externally. It’s about challenging old habits, embracing new perspectives, and continuously evolving to meet your highest potential.
As Michelle Obama said, “Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there’s more growing to be done.”
Why Is Personal Growth Important for Women?
1. It Builds Confidence
Growth requires stepping out of your comfort zone, and every step you take boosts your confidence. You learn to trust yourself, take risks, and celebrate your achievements.
2. It Inspires Others
When you commit to personal growth, you set an example for those around you—your family, friends, and even your community. Growth is contagious; your evolution can inspire others to pursue their own.
3. It Aligns You with Your Purpose
Personal growth often leads to clarity about who you are and what you’re meant to do. When you invest in yourself, you uncover your passions and align with your purpose.
4. It Prepares You for Life’s Challenges
Growth equips you with tools to navigate life’s ups and downs. From emotional resilience to problem-solving, personal development strengthens your ability to face challenges with grace.
5. It Keeps You Grounded in Your Worth
When you’re committed to growth, you understand your value. You stop settling for less in relationships, career opportunities, or personal goals because you know you deserve the best.
How to Commit to Personal Growth
1. Set Clear Goals
Define what personal growth looks like for you. Whether it’s learning a new skill, deepening your faith, or improving your health, having clear goals keeps you focused.
2. Invest in Yourself
Attend workshops, read books, take classes, and seek mentorship. The time and resources you spend on yourself are never wasted.
3. Embrace Failure
Growth often comes from setbacks. Learn to see failure as a stepping stone rather than a roadblock.
4. Practice Self-Reflection
Take time to evaluate your progress regularly. Journaling, meditation, or prayer can help you assess where you are and where you want to go.
5. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People
Your circle matters. Spend time with people who challenge you, uplift you, and encourage your evolution.
6. Stay Committed
Growth is not a one-time event; it’s a continuous process. Be patient with yourself and trust the journey.
Reclaiming Our Power
As women, our commitment to personal growth is a form of resistance against societal narratives that try to limit us. It’s about reclaiming our power, rewriting our stories, and creating lives that honor our worth.
Tools to Support Your Growth
At Black and Dainty, we’re here to help you thrive. Our Divine Feminine Healing workshop and Womenly Hybrid Coaching Course are designed to guide you on your personal growth journey. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your mindset, deepen your femininity, or build lasting confidence, we have resources to support you.
Ready to Evolve?
Personal growth is a choice, and every step you take is a step toward becoming the woman you’re destined to be. If you’re ready to invest in yourself, let’s work together. Through personalized coaching, I’ll help you identify your goals, overcome challenges, and create a plan for lasting transformation.
Sis, you owe it to yourself to grow, evolve, and flourish. Commit to your personal growth today, and watch your life transform in ways you never imagined.
Life is a journey, not a destination. Your willingness to learn, grow, and evolve is what separates you from the crowd.
Think of Michelle Obama’s words: “Am I good enough? Yes, I am.” But being good enough doesn’t mean we stop striving for better. Our Womenly Hybrid Coaching Course will help you stay committed to becoming the best version of yourself.
6. Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are central for a fulfilling and balanced life. Whether romantic, platonic, or professional, they contribute to your happiness, mental health, and overall well-being. For women, especially Black women who often carry the weight of nurturing others, fostering and maintaining healthy relationships is essential to living a life of peace and purpose.
What Is a Healthy Relationship?
A healthy relationship is one built on mutual respect, trust, effective communication, and genuine support. It allows both individuals to grow, thrive, and feel valued without compromising their individuality.
As bell hooks reminds us, “To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.” Healthy relationships aren’t just about love; they’re about love done right.
Why Are Healthy Relationships Important?
1. They Foster Emotional Security
Healthy relationships provide a safe space to express your feelings, share your struggles, and celebrate your wins without fear of judgment or rejection.
2. They Encourage Personal Growth
The right people will challenge you to grow, hold you accountable, and support your evolution. Healthy relationships inspire you to be your best self.
3. They Reduce Stress
Unhealthy relationships can drain you emotionally and physically. On the other hand, healthy ones provide relief, joy, and balance in your life.
4. They Empower You
Being surrounded by people who truly see, hear, and support you empowers you to pursue your dreams and live authentically.
5. They Model Love and Respect
Healthy relationships teach you what love, kindness, and respect look like. They become the standard you hold for yourself and others.
Grab Your Feminine Merch From The B + D Shop! Support The Movement!Key Components of a Healthy Relationship
1. Mutual Respect
Respect for boundaries, values, and individuality is non-negotiable. In a healthy relationship, both people honor each other’s differences.
2. Trust
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. Without it, there’s no stability or growth.
3. Communication
Open, honest, and empathetic communication ensures clarity and understanding. Healthy relationships allow space for dialogue, not just debate.
4. Support
Healthy relationships are built on mutual encouragement. Each person celebrates the other’s successes and provides comfort during hardships.
5. Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in maintaining balance. Healthy relationships respect the lines you set to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
6. Equality
Healthy relationships don’t involve power struggles. Both individuals have equal say, and neither person dominates the other.
How to Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships
1. Know Yourself First
Healthy relationships start with self-awareness. Understand your values, needs, and boundaries before expecting someone else to respect them.
2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Communicate your limits clearly and don’t compromise on what’s essential to your well-being.
3. Communicate Effectively
Express yourself honestly and listen actively. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual understanding.
4. Choose Relationships That Align with Your Values
Surround yourself with people who share or respect your principles and goals.
5. Evaluate and Let Go When Necessary
Not every relationship is meant to last. It’s okay to let go of relationships that no longer serve your growth or well-being.
6. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
It’s better to have a few deep, meaningful connections than many superficial ones.
We often feel the need to carry everyone else’s burdens, sometimes at the expense of our own peace. But healthy relationships are reciprocal. You deserve connections that pour into you just as much as you pour into others.
Tools for Building Healthy Relationships
At Black and Dainty, we offer resources to help you cultivate the relationships you deserve. Join our Protect Your Peace class to learn how to set boundaries and identify toxic dynamics. Or explore our coaching services for personalized guidance on strengthening your connections.
Take the Next Step
Healthy relationships begin with you. If you’re ready to create connections that honor your worth, join one of our workshops or coaching programs. Together, we’ll help you build relationships that align with your values, nurture your spirit, and support your growth.
You deserve love, respect, and peace in every relationship. Don’t settle for less. Build healthy connections that reflect the queen you truly are.
7. Unwavering Faith
Faith is the anchor that keeps us grounded during life’s storms. It’s what fuels our hope and reminds us of our purpose.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase,” said Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Your faith in God, in yourself, and in your journey will guide you through every challenge. For practical ways to nurture your spiritual growth, check out my book, Keep Calm and Pray Before You Say I Do.
What’s Next?
You deserve to live a life that reflects the queen you are. If you’re ready to implement these standards and elevate your life, I invite you to join me for one-on-one coaching through Black and Dainty. Together, we’ll build a roadmap to help you become the best version of yourself—on your terms.
Explore more tools and resources in the Black and Dainty shop to support your journey. Whether it’s our femininity classes, workshops, or card game How Feminine Are You?, there’s something for every queen looking to level up.
Please let me know if you enjoy this blog post and leave a comment like and share. I appreciate your support and I’ll see you in the next one!
Remember, sis: Your standards are your power. Protect them fiercely.
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